First-time Mom Thoughts

My baby is going to be three months in three days, so I thought I'd share some of the thoughts I've had during this new experience.

Mom thoughts 

Every piece of cloth can double as a burp rag if you only put your mind to it.

As long as I'm nursing, I'll never forget his food.

There's mountain time, pacific time, a few others; and baby time.

I never knew I could shower so fast.

To do list....learn to tie shoe with one hand... And do hair, put on makeup, clean, make bed, cook dinner,....

The world is infested with germs and disease, it's the freaking walking dead out there!

You have never known fear until your baby hasn't pooped for 2 days. You know that's going to be a blow out of epic proportions.

I have a testimony that I know swaddling is true.

What's with his Edward Scissorhands fingernails?? Those babies could kill someone!

He is sleeping in longer intervals. But I can't sleep because I'm worried about why he's still asleep.

Like all moms do, sometimes I think my baby is a genius. Until he has grabbed a fistful of my hair in both hands and is flailing his arms all over. Then I think he's an evil genius. 

Baby PJs should never have snaps, only zippers. Who can figure those things out when it's 2 am, you're up for the third time in one night, trying to change a diaper with your eyes half open and your brain still partly in dreamland?

Who knew I'd start having dreams  about poopy diapers.

I don't understand how he can be sleeping peacefully on my lap, either leaning against my chest, or against my legs, facing me, and then sharply dive sideways, head first. Does he have a death wish or something? 

I'm worried, he's serious all day with mommy, then as soon as daddy gets home, it's all smiles. He's messing with my head.

If I smell like pee or throw up, don't worry. It is pee or throw up.

Hurry lets go I just fed the baby he's happy if we are gonna go we have to go NOW, GO GO GO GO!!!

Nobody questions the diaper bag full of stuff. Before the baby, it would have looked slightly strange, carrying around such a big, full bag. But now, I can carry my bag, full of stuff and nobody questions it. 

All I can say about my post pregnant body is thank goodness for stretchy pants of any kind. Yoga. Leggings, elastic waistbands, all my best friends.

Somewhere out there is a new mom who's house is perfectly clean, who is cooking healthy meals for her hubby, who already fits back into her skinny jeans, and who Has d-I-y'd her entire living room decor. But, to quote a popular classic rock artist, it ain't me.

I just need you to think your fist is a food source for like ten more minutes while I finish *insert task*

Am I awake right now? 

I can't remember when I last changed his diaper.

His smile is THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!

Actually a Christmas Baby

Well, I was being a bit sarcastic in the title of my last blog post, but I guess I better eat my words because little Rocky actually is a Christmas baby :)

Wednesday was my due date. Christmas was 2 days later. When Wednesday came and went, I was resigned to being pregnant for the rest of my life. He was going to grow and thrive and attend college, all while in my womb. And Thursday was Christmas Eve, filled with family festivities, but still no sign of little Rocky. I guess that's good because I had time to clean and nap, but mostly clean, and not nap. During these couple days, I had one thing to keep me sane. Little Cavin, our nephew who has literally been there for every major event in CJ's and my relationship, said on Wednesday, "Rocky will be born in 2 days!" I said, "2 days? That's Christmas!" He said, "yep, that's when he will be born!" So I relied on Cavin's prediction to help me not go too crazy, because hey, the little guy proposed to me for CJ, he is pretty reliable! Christmas Eve, he said, "Rocky is coming tomorrow!!" It was getting spooky how adamant he was about Rocky's arrival date.

At home Christmas Eve night, after all the festivities, CJ and I decided to open gifts to each other because we weren't sure if the next day we would have time. Not because we felt like Rocky might show up, but because we had lots of Christmas plans that day, and as mentioned above, Rocky was going to be in the womb forever.

We went to bed around midnight. At about 1:30, I woke up to a strange feeling that lasted a few seconds. It didn't hurt necessarily, but I remember having the thought, "well that was new." And I got up to use the bathroom. While on my way there, my water broke. Again, in my mind, the thought, "huh, that was new." And the question, "was that my water breaking, or did I just lose all control of myself?" 

After waiting just a few minutes, I was sure I was experiencing something close to what you see on TV as labor. CJ was up and ready in a flash, we were out the door in maybe ten minutes. We never even rehearsed it, beat that, Internet mom bloggers! After an icy but safe drive to the hospital, we were AT the hospital.

The rest is history and Rocky WILL be attending college outside of the womb.  

Jk jk, I'll add a few more details :) 

We got checked in and after the nurse determined my water had really broken, I was admitted and we got to stay. None of that, "you may have a while so why don't you go home" poop that I hear happens so much. My contractions were about 5 min apart. After feeling several of those lovely things, I was ready for an epidural. Once that was in, I was on cloud 9. No pain, no gain is false, people. What would I really gain from continuing to feel contraction pain other than the desire that Rocky be an only child, I ask you? 

I continued "laboring" until around 11 the next morning, when it felt like the magical epidural wasn't being so magical anymore. Apparently the monitor thingy was picking up on things because the nurse came and checked me right as I called her and I was dilated to a ten. If you are like my brother, Gabe, you have no idea what that means. I'll save you the trouble (and horror) of looking that up. It just means you're ready to push that baby outta there. 

Push, I did, for almost two hours. During that time, my thoughts were, "I'm so out of shape. I regret all those non-workout naps" 

On a more serious note, Rocky wasn't coming out. And I was pushing so hard I felt like my head was going to explode. All that time I could hear his little heartbeat on the monitor. It was fluctuating so much, sometimes it was dangerously slow, other times dangerously fast. And I prayed. I prayed, "please Father, help me get my baby out and keep him safe. Give him strength. Give me strength." 

By the end of those couple hours, the doc determined I needed help getting him out, and so he plundered him out. Ever seen a toilet plunger? Yeah, it did kind of look like those. And finally little Rocky was out. But he was lifeless, very limp. And a team of doctors had come in to revive him. CJ kept watch as the doctors worked fast to clear his tiny lungs and I was being stitched up. I could fully feel things at this point, but I didn't care, my baby was a few feet away from me fighting for life. Again, more prayers, keep him safe, give him strength. 

After what felt like way too long, Rocky was responding and a nurse brought him to me for just a few brief moments before they had to take him to the nicu. He was so tiny, his little limbs were thin and delicate, but also VERY strong. I looked at him and tried to let it wash over me that this was our little boy we had waited for. And then they took him away. He was gone for an hour before I knew if he was okay. Finally a nurse came and I asked her how he was doing. He was okay! He was doing well and they were going to bring him to me soon! Best news I've ever received in my entire life. After that, my little rockstar continued to get stronger and stronger.

Finally he was brought back to me and we got to bond. Which was basically his little mouth baby-birding it and me trying to feed him for the first time. But oh my goodness, how I loved this tiny little being. He wasn't very big, and his little shoulder blades were clearly visible as he had zero fat to cover them. He was so beautiful, his face had these tiny little features, I couldn't believe he was ours. I still can't sometimes to this day. He's been flourishing and is already about 12 lbs, almost twice his birth weight. He is learning so much already and responding to things in the cutest ways. I love when he gets so excited his little legs just kick kick kick KICK!! He already has a lil double chin and some chunky cheeks too, and he smiles and coos, it's the cutest thing I've ever seen/heard. Needless to say C.J. and I are deeply in love.

 

Babies are amazing and when a four, almost five-year-old speaks, listen up!!

Our little 6 lb 7 oz, 21 inch baby boy :)

Ooo, a Christmas Baby!

Hello, Internet! It's been a long time since I've felt the need to write something on here, but what do ya know, we are having a baby this month, I'd say that's a pretty momentous reason to write! 

We found out we were expecting back in April of this year. We were eager to have a baby, and it was one of those, "why don't we just run to the store reallly quick and get a test" type of things. Not pre-planned with balloons or cake or anything. So we grabbed a two-pack cuz movies tell you those things don't always work, right? I was too excited to wait the FULL minute, and looked at it after about ten seconds. One line showed up, so of course I was instantly depressed. But C.J., being wise and more patient-ish, said "go look again, you hardly waited at all." So I did, and a second, much more faint line was showing!! Where was the box? I had to check the box to make sure a faint line counted!! Also, I had to take the other test to be positive! After getting positives on both, knowing that the faint line DOES count, we just kind of sat there. I know, really exciting of us. We had just found out the news we were dying to know, and all we did was sit in silence. I think I might have gotten up to get ready for bed at one point, who knows. Then things started to sink in a little better, we hugged and kissed and said how excited we were, I think. 

We originally intended to wait until Mother's Day, which was just 1-2 weeks away to tell the news. But I got all impatient after 3 days and we sort of sloppily broke the news, sorry family, it would have been so much better if I had stuck to the plan. But good news breakers or not, this baby was on his way!!

Pregnancy, now there's something you've seen about a zillion times, yet somehow manage to KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. I remember my mom pregnant with my little sis. She was sick, very sick, for about 4 months. Then, in my 11-year-old brain, she got better and things were peachy all the way to August 10th. Sorry, Mom, I was so blind. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst, or really bad or anything, I've been really blessed with a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby, and just what I'm pretty sure are standard pregnancy symptoms. I only can think of like 2 crazy mood swing moments (C.J. Might be able to think of more) but all in all, I feel pretty darn lucky. There are dozens of tiny things you just don't KNOW, you know? Like the heartburn/reflux thing, I had no idea that would be the cause of vomiting more than nausea would. Or the sack of potatoes taped to your ribs feeling. Or your feet going slightly numb, or your brain just NOT WORKING. Then the baby moving around in there, I've seen it on other women. Maybe I'm more daft than the rest of the population, I didn't think about what that would feel like, or even that you can feel it at all. Well this little guy has sure taught me a lot about that feeling. Yesterday it felt like he was using my ribs as a sling shot. 

Around September came a feeling of time-is-running-out-we-have-so-much-to-do-we-are-never-going-to-be-prepared!!! I guess they call it nesting, for me, I think it's just my normal obsessive-ness. But I think I can safely say at this moment in time, we are about as ready as we will ever be. Which is, physically, we have all the baby stuff we need, mentally, we have no idea what the heck we are in for. 

Now my brain is turning to the actual birth. The thought of this baby's body coming out of my body. Respect to mothers everywhere. No matter how they come out, it's an ordeal to say the least. Billions of women have done this, so why does it suddenly feel like I'm the only one ever to have to get this baby out one of two ways? And why didn't I dedicate my entire existence to finding a faster, easier, pain-free way?? I've wasted my time doing things like piano and reading and crocheting. What little forethought I've had. Do you think three weeks is enough time? Mostly joking. Most of the time, I'm ready for this little guy to come out and don't care about the scary unknown. But almost every night, I lie awake exactly like this O,O Then I try to distract my brain with other thoughts, Facebook, scriptures, and that usually helps. And just breathe. Because in less time than I can even believe, C.J. and I will be snuggling our first little baby boy. And I can't even imagine what that will feel like. Another thing that makes me feel like no one in the world has ever experienced it because it will be a completely new, unique experience for us. 

I can't wait to meet our baby boy <3

Guess We Fell In Love!

I am living, walking, breathing proof that A. LOT. can happen in just a few short months. If you're Mormon, you tend to measure life occurrences, time, those sorts of things by General Conference. A common phrase might be, "By the next General Conference, I will be..." fill in the blank. Or "So and so will be back from their mission in just two more Conferences!"

Well if I do that, measure time by General Conference, then between the last General Conference and the one that's coming in less than two weeks, I got married.

Rewind!! Back in May of this year, I reconnected with someone I had met three years ago. His name is C.J. Riley. And now we are married. And have been for an entire month already!

I don't want to tell the whole story because I actually love telling it in person. Self-absorbed, but I do love to tell it!

All I want to say is we are best friends. He makes me so incredibly happy. Marriage is just having your best friend there always. We are so excited and happy about starting our family together, just typing this makes me all giddy inside! If I had to describe our relationship in three words, I would say "Happy, Safe, Warm."

And pictures are worth a thousand words, so without needing to get wordy, here are some pics that totally describe us...

He was totally, completely, DEFINITELY worth the wait :)

Yeah.... Okay......

Been on a blog hiatus again. First off, I realized that for the most part, things that get blogged about just aren't like all that important? You know? Like for the betterment of mankind or anything? Second, I kinda haven't had the brain for writing stuff down: it has to be a mood almost, you know what I mean?? But of course life has been happening, as it does!!

 One momentous occasion.... Best Friend and I got to take our dream NYC vacay. I'm not a traveler per se, and I don't often just up and do stuff. But this was an opportunity I just had to grab hold of. My friend Jessica lived in NYC all winter, and she ever so graciously invited us to stay with her for free. The only way this dream could come true was if that beautiful word "free" was somehow thrown in the mix. So for six days, Kimmy and I stormed the island of Manhattan and just played our guts out!!! At one point, we had been exploring for like 3 days and finally our feet just hurt!! So after moping along through the Museum of Natural history, we mozied on over to CP and just sat for a long time. But it was still awesome, right, cuz we were... Like in Central Park, ya know?? We learned so much while we were there too.... Like how to hail a cab, what the heck "top of the rock" even meant, and man, there are some characters in this world, I think they all live there. I could go on and on and on and on and on........ But I will stop. But dreams came true on this trip, it was just THE BEST. 

Life lately.... Well Kimmy moved, I'm working on forgiving her still.... Just kidding. But seriously. But she's doing big things in Utah!! Our cruise lounge singer plan is just taking it's time. 

I went back to school, but for various reasons, decided to get another job and work more, so I'm not going back this fall. I need a new car, T-mu is getting ready to give up the ghost. But my MAIN reason for not going back to school is that it was just really getting in the way of shopping! How's a girl supposed to be smart AND look cute? I had to make a choice. I did the right thing. So goodbye for now UNR. Goodbye dreadlocks guy, I never learned your name, but you were cool. goodbye music building where everyone was just....SO NICE!! Seriously, they were all super nice and welcoming to me, I really appreciated it. 

But in a few days I'm going through the temple. And THAT is making me very happy. It feels like walking toward light.

Anyway, hope you are all great, you're all the best, okay?!