Two First Names

Okay, enough time has past that I think I can safely write about this experience.

I met a man who is the anti-Saturn. 

As some of you know, I drive a little Saturn. That's it, just a Saturn. It has a model number, but I forget what it is. 

Now for those car guys out there who might read the word Saturn and cringe at the very sound, peace be unto you. Don't get your boxer briefs in a twist. Yes I own a Saturn. Yes they are no longer manufactured. No, I don't know all the ins and outs as to why that is. But common sense tells me that saturns probably aren't all that great. But I own one for many reasons. If I was able to own any other car that was a step up from my little t-mu, I would. Can we move on?

But as I mentioned earlier, I met the very anti-Saturn himself. If you think you hate saturns, you would be a breath of refreshing, rose-scented summer air next to this guy. 

His name?? Ryan Mason. I don't mind putting his name on here because as he himself informed me, he cannot be traced online. Okay, he must be cooler and more secretive than the CIA itself. Well now you're online, Ryan Mason, take that!!!

We met at church. I, a lowly Reno native and he, a born and bred Utahn. He visited my singles ward just that one week. But that was enough to forever sour me on the idea of one, Ryan Mason. (Notice how I keep using his untraceable name) ps, he has two first names. NEVER trust a guy with two first names. That's like life lesson número uno. And if you are a guy with two first names well, you better say your prayers morning and night!

And he had this look on his face when I first met him. The look that said "these little people, they do not know who is among them." And indeed we did not.

He proceeded to act as though he owned the place, and talked as though he had been to the moon, when really, he'd been remodeling a retail store. And he liked to boss me around. Possibly all in good fun. Until it wasn't!   Dun dun DUUUNNNN!!

He somehow found out that I owned a Saturn. Immediately he proceeded to point his finger at me in a really hard way, kinda like what your mom does when you are little and doing something naughty but you are somewhere public where she really doesn't want to make a scene. And he says, about 6 times, "SELL THAT CAR." After about the 7th time, I think, "now what exactly is it this guy wants me to do?? Sell my car?? Is that the point he is trying to make? It's so hard to know when he only repeats it seven times!"

And he started tell me about this lady friend he had who owned a Saturn. At which point I stopped him and asked, "wait wait wait, is she still alive???" He told me she was. Man, you can't BELIEVE the RELIEF that washed over me knowing she hadn't died in a fiery explosion in her Saturn! 

He said this female friend owned this Saturn, and he asked her if it was having any problems. She said it wasn't, but he immediately told her to.....can you guess?? Sell that car. And she didn't. And a month later apparently it blew up and she was out a few thou. At this point I'm thinking, "wow, it's really great that the car of this friend of yours broke down hard core and she was out thousand of dollars so you could be proven right!! Also, I'm sure all the saturns in the world go out with a bang, if you will." Needless to say every sassy comment I could possibly think of started coming out of my mouth and I had to stop it because the saintly missionaries were sitting right next to me and I didn't want them to see me in my sinner mode.

So, Ryan Mason. Mason, Ryan. It's been about 3 months and I didn't SELL THAT CAR. But I'm gonna sell the identity of Ryan Mason to as many takers in need of a good, strong first and first name as I can find. Kidding, I don't have the skills to sell identities. But Ryan Mason is forever immortalized on my blog and the internet!! Bam!!

Peace and Blessings! (except not to Ryan Mason. Ryan Mason. Ryan Mason)