I have been playing piano since I was 7 years old. That's about 15 years now. 2/3 of my life. I can't really remember not playing piano. When I was 7, I remember being so excited to play piano. I wanted to take lessons from my cousin April because she was SO good and I wanted to play like her. The piano I started learning on was a tiny electric keyboard with only about 32 keys. Once when I was out with my mom, I found a 5 dollar bill just laying on the ground in some parking lot. I considered that a major score and my mom said I could use it to pay for my first piano lesson, which I did. Looking back, $5 for a piano lesson seems VERY cheap.
Now, I have graduated with my Bachelor's degree in music with emphasis on Piano Performance. It seems amazing how little steps and choices can completely influence and direct the course of life.
I love my music. Love it to death. I love how my fingers can move across the keys. They know the territory, and the sounds that come out can be beautiful. Sometimes when I am stressed I just sit down and play. I can't explain how it feels inside. It is a great pleasure, and as I release my emotions on the keys, I feel a sense of freedom and relaxation.
Now, sometimes playing piano has been my greatest stress as well as pleasure. In school and through much of my life, I have had performances, competitions and festivals, all with deadlines and judges that tend to make me very nervous. I think nervous is putting it lightly. I have had some pretty major emotional breakdowns at some points because of these events. And it's all because I am afraid of messing up. I hate that phrase. Messing up. But only recently have I been trying to learn a new lesson. It's not about the "messing up". I'm ALWAYS going to make some mistakes, large or small whenever I play. It will never be completely perfect. But I don't want to share the mistakes. I want to share the feelings I have for music with my friends and family in the audience. Because when I am up there, everyone in the audience is getting a pretty large glimpse into who I am, and so, in a way, everyone is becoming a part of my life, a friend.
So when I'm up there tonight, I will try not to make mistakes. But more important, I will try to make you feel excitement, sadness, love, joy, giddiness, darkness, light, and everything all mixed into the notes I will be playing. Because that is why the composers wrote. They wrote their innermost desires, feelings, thoughts, pains, into the keys. And that expression gave them freedom, as it does me.
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| Senior recital at SUU |
