Confession

I'd like to take this moment to share something that is very personal to me. It's something I've struggled with off and on since I was about 10. It's something that doesn't get discussed very much out in the world and I think it's because it is such a sensitive topic.

I am a clean freak.

I've struggled with this, like I said, off and on for about 13 years now. It's been a very real stress to me. Because of the sensitive nature of cfd (clean freak disorder), I don't know of many support groups out there that really address this issue. Sometimes I feel like nobody really understands me. How excited I get when the carpet of our house looks like freshly mowed grass. How intoxicating the smell of pinesol wafting from the bathroom is. It is when the house is in a state of order and cleanliness that I feel my mind is free to create, to explore, and to actually relax for a change.

Because of my cfd, I sometimes don't get along with certain members of my family. Cfd is the main source of contention between me and any of my siblings.

So why the confession now, you might ask. Well I have officially decided to somehow control this trait or disorder or whatever it is so that my siblings might actually enjoy my presence in our household a little more often.

I cleaned Gabe's room last summer. This was about half way through,
it was worse before this picture.

After. It was like a haven, even for a clean freak.

No, I don't think it is possible for me not to be a clean freak. I mentally can't handle messiness. But I will not hold it against others if they don't have cfd. I will be open and understanding of others' creative space, i.e., their bedrooms. I will not nag and carry on if the kitchen floor gets a few cracker crumbs on it. I will be patient and kind. I will face the fact that some people have mpd (messy person disorder) and that we are all different and there is no one right way for everyone to operate.

I hope that you guys can all be understanding and not look at me differently than you did before. Unless you looked at me negatively. Then I hope you do look at me differently now. That would be nice.

Okay, I feel like after every sarcastic post I write, I have to throw in a disclaimer at the end. yes, I am a clean freak. No, I don't feel it's a disorder. Yes, it does cause the occasional fight with one of my siblings, no, I don't take it as seriously as making a huge confession about a serious problem.

Peace and blessings!!